Sparks Ignites

Now that the holiday season is upon us, we should be talking about Christmas parties and not political parties. In fact, any discussion of politics should be off the table and the elf should be on the shelf.  

It’s that time of year again. The Holiday Season – when Halloween morphs into Christmas. There’s barely time to put away the cobwebs, ghosts, and gravestones before the snowmen, holly, and lights are out. Retailers don’t even wait for Halloween to be over before Christmas starts blending into the mix

Mark Burnett, reality television king and creator of the hit Survivor , announced his newest venture into reality TV – The Apprentice President .

We live in a country of opportunities. Every citizen is told with perseverance and drive; they can achieve their goals. No matter what your background you can dream of attaining the highest position in the land.

Decorating for Halloween and the celebration of “All Hallows Eve” has grown exponentially in the past few decades. Halloween has become the second biggest decorated holiday after Christmas.

According to a source close to the Clinton campaign, Hillary’s been practicing for tonight’s debate in a locker room.   An undisclosed Las Vegas high school has been the scene of intense preparation for the final showdown between Trump and Clinton. “Hillary wanted to ascertain if what her opponent calls ‘Locker Room Talk’ is really as offensive as his lewd remarks on a bus,” a source told us. Clinton has spent five days surrounded by sneakers, damp towels and Axe body spray. Twice her prep was interrupted by some towel snapping and a temper tantrum from the football team’s mascot. “Hillary was outraged when she overheard the soccer coach tell his team that he couldn’t wait to get home to play with his pussy,” the source confirmed. It was discovered that the coach in question had a new Siamese kitten and the team had bought some cat toys for “Mr. Mittens.” Campaign officials hung several suggestive posters in the locker room trying to bait any unsu...

The American Psychiatric Association announced a new seasonal disorder that is affecting millions across the country – Pumpkin Spice Traumatic Disorder (PSTD). Sufferers of PSTD are stricken every fall when Pumpkin Spice is released across the nation. Limited editions of hundreds of products are created containing the pumpkin spice flavor and scent. This causes pumpkin enthusiasts to go out of their gourds trying to buy up all these items.

New York, New York… Sounds so nice they named it twice. Not really, when you’re there you have to repeat it, because it’s noisy, overcrowded, and no one can hear you.   Mid-town Manhattan streets are cavernous canyons of cacophony. Try a leisurely stroll through Times Square to take in the sights. It’s impossible. You’re fighting a swarm of people who are coming at you from every direction. “Watch out!” Tourists are stopping to have selfies taken with a Super Hero, a Disney Princess or a Giant Muppet. “No kids, Tickle Me Elmo is in Toys R US, that’s HPV Elmo – stay away.” “That’s Iron Lung Man. The real Iron Man doesn’t smoke or hack into his facemask.”   “Oh Look! There’s orange Mr. Snuffleupagus. He lives in a tower on Fifth Avenue.” It’s mass confusion and sensory overload. I need Xanax and a horse blinder so I don’t have a panic attack. I try to enjoy the arts and entertainment that New York has to offer; it’...

During a campaign rally in Topeka, KS, Donald Trump claimed President Obama was directly responsible for the illegal forced deportation of a young farm girl. According to Trump, Dorothy Gale, age 12, was forcibly removed from her house and taken across the border to the hostile land of Oz. “Failed domestic policies and a struggling economy under the Obama Administration has forced Kansas farmers to remain in Tornado Alley.” Trump told pitchfork wielding supporters.  “Yes folks, President Obama has allowed terrorist tornadoes to form, and a little girl lost her home and her dog.”     Trump continued, “People said that Dorothy was left alone amongst radical munchkins who are part a dangerous organization known as the Lollipop Guild. I’m hearing they could be a threat to national security and Obama’s doing nothing to stop them.” “Crooked Hilary and the Clinton Foundation have accepted money from the Emerald City and a mysterious wizard,” Tru...

  We’ve just celebrated Independence Day and the grilling days of summer are underway. Millions of Americans celebrate July Fourth with backyard barbeques and continue their outside cooking throughout the season.

Quiet the mind and the soul will speak – Ma Jaya Sati I’ve wanted to learn the art of meditation. Articles I’ve read extoll the virtues of learning to regulate the mind. It helps reduce stress and ease health issues like depression, anxiety and high blood pressure. Plus, Oprah does it so why wouldn’t I want to give it a try? I read an article that Harvard researchers found meditation does produce beneficial effects in the brain and in the gut. It can help people with symptoms of IBS, IBD, IRS, IDIOT and TRUMP. Finding inner peace and wellness can take you to a much better place – like checking out of the Roach Motel and into the Ritz-Carlton. With proper instruction, I could become one with the universe. Focus my chi and enjoy my Chai. I needed to find a place to learn the principles of meditation. There are books and phone apps, but I need to learn by participating. I’m a hands-on learner. I have to see it in action or in this c...

The 68 th annual Philadelphia Writer’s’ Conference begins tomorrow, so I’ve been thinking about writers and books. As long as I can remember, I’ve been in love with books. Before I could comprehend a written sentence, my dad would read stories to me. He was very good at acting out the characters and doing voices.   He created my appreciation for the art of good storytelling.

I believe I was born with social anxiety. I know we are supposed to think we’re born with a clean slate, but my slate had a few smudge marks. Probably my first thought after delivery was, “Everyone is looking at me. OMG I’m naked in a room of strangers. Hey, someone get a diaper over here. Don’t look at my folds and creases. God, already I need the Beverly Hills Nursery Diet.”   I had tiny baby hands and you know what that means.

Since the Republican debates began, I’ve been strangling my sofa pillow in shock and frustration. I’ve watched Presidential Psycho and checked into The Debates Motel. You must leave your sanity and decorum at the door. Don’t use the shower; someone with tiny hands might want to show you their national endowment. Yes, that’s what the political process in our country has become; a finger pointing, yelling match between some of the worst presidential candidates the Republican party has ever offered up. It’s the Real House Husbands of DC. A bad reality show with character slurs, profanity and penis jokes.

I always celebrated Easter when I was growing up. Both my parents were Catholic, so of course we observed the holy day. It was the special weekend when we gorged on baskets of chocolate, ate a baked ham, and watched The Ten Commandments . Sometimes we would also catch a broadcast of the King of Kings . This is the film where Jesus is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, prophet. It seemed he should’ve been carrying a surf board for his sermon on the mount. “Blessed are the meek and hang ten.”

  There is an annual event in Philadelphia, and for all its notoriety, there is still an audience that hasn’t experienced its unique beauty and creativity. The event is the Philadelphia Flower Show presented by The Pennsylvania Horticultural Society (PHS).   

“I pledge allegiance to the dollar and to the Republic for which money rules, one nation, controlled by Washington and Wall Street, with corruption and greed for all.” The American Dream has turned to balls – Powerballs. There’s always a frenzy when we hear of a giant jackpot. It’s the dream of “Easy Street” and being financially secure. We all want the 1.5 billion jackpot. It’s a fantasy to be swimming in money and living the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this program to bring you a news bulletin from the National Weather Service. A “ Bread and Milk Emergency” has been issued for the tri-state area. Everyone is required to head to a nearby supermarket and purchase an obligatory loaf of bread and a gallon of milk.