Sparks Ignites

Dear Royal Diary: I feel I’m at the end of my journey. There are only several fair damsels left to grace with my presence. It’s been the most arduous task I’ve ever performed. I’ve never really been into feet, and dear Lord Bunion, have I seen way too many. It astounds me a face can be an image of rare beauty graced by god, but the feet can be cloven hoofs cursed by Satan himself. This trip of many feet and even more miles began when my parents decided I should find a maiden and make her my princess. My royal mommy said she was tired of seeing me stare at myself in the mirror for hours. I agreed, she’s very astute. I did need a princess to stare at me in the mirror too. Perfection should never be wasted on one pair of mesmerizing blue eyes. Daddy and Mommy, King and Queen of the Kingdom, planned a historic ball and invited all the fairest maidens in the land. They advised me to find a suitable bride with fair skin and no recognizable ethnicity. She must be polis...

ATTACK OF THE ORANGE BLOB Moviegoers who’ve rushed to see this summer’s box office hit, Wonder Woman, prepare yourself for a more compelling action, mystery, horror, political, bone-chilling blockbuster to watch as the next several months unfold. Coming straight from Washington, DC and the Kremlin is the frightening tale of Trump. He’s an incompetent Reality TV Real Estate Tycoon who unbelievably becomes the worst U.S. President ever. Appearing on a TV channel, an internet news site, a newspaper, a magazine, or a Twitter feed is “Attack of the Orange Blob.” Watch as this bloated, sociopath in adult diapers, tries to blindly maneuver his way through the halls of Capitol Hill. Never before has there been such a performance since the Madness of King George. As our summer of global warming (a plot from the “Ghinese”) heats up so does the action. The Colluder-In-Chief with his cabinet of monstrosities gather in the war room to conceive a diabolical plan to destroy health...