Skip to main content

New Products to Bring Out the Merry!!!

New York, NY – Consumers spend billions of dollars every year to give themselves and others a Merry Christmas. Although the largest percentage of money is for gift giving, a substantial amount goes to decorations, food and other holiday-themed products.

Manufacturers have seen how the Pumpkin Spice craze has infiltrated the market during the Fall. Companies sell everything from cereal to shower gel featuring our favorite orange squash. 

Many manufacturers who lagged behind in featuring pumpkin products are making the foray into the profit-rich winter holiday season. 

Thomas Linebottom, President of the National Manufacturers Association reported, “The success of Hallmark holiday movies has made consumers eager to surround themselves with everything Christmas. Research has shown that any product with a holiday theme will increase profits by 75% and make us see silver and gold.”

The Association’s issued a list of new products aimed at making the season more festive. Look for the following items at your local retailers.

·      Do You Hear What I Hear (Miracle Ear) – You’ll be able to detect the reindeer pause, and Santa Claus grunt his way down the chimney.

·      Peppermint Stick Tampons – After PMS you’ll be minty fresh. 

·      Frosty the Snowman Suppositories – Look at Frosty Go!!!

·      Gingerbread Roach Motels – Roaches check in and Wham it’s their Last Christmas!

·      Evergreen Pampers – Turn your nursery into a walk through a freshly fertilized tree lot.

·      Border Wall Garland – Deck your Halls with holly covered security cameras and plan for a White Christmas. (Holiday ICE optional)

·      A Christmas Story Condoms – Ralphie says, “Don’t shoot your eye out!” (Product guarantee – No creatures will be stirring.)

·      Cranberry/Orange Metamucil – Throw a holiday party for your colon.

·      Nutcracker Sweet Axe Body Spray – When they decide to head downtown to check out the Christmas balls make sure they get a whiff of cinnamon and sugar.

·      I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus Plan B Pill – What happens under the mistletoe doesn’t always stay under the mistletoe.

·      Eggnog Fertility Supplement – Every egg needs a little punch.

·      Preparation Ho Ho Ho – Relieve yourself from Holiday Roid Rage.

·      Vaseline Bowl of Petroleum Jelly – Grease it up and slay them with your ride.

According to Linebottom, “The Association wishes everyone a Christmas that is Merry and Bright. If it’s not bright enough buy Rudolph’s Red Beacon Batteries with extra glow power and  your holiday will go down in history.”




Comments

Post a Comment

Recent Posts

Waking Up in Vegas - Happy 2014!

Neither, Gary or I, are really gamblers, so we try to find other activities to occupy our time when visiting Vegas. We have visited Red Rock, Hoover Dam and Valley of Fire State Park on previous visits. We had even traveled as far as Zion National Park in Utah, during an earlier stay. There are definitely natural beauties to discover while in Nevada, and they have nothing to do with showgirls or stripper poles. This visit was about relaxation and ringing in the New Year, so we didn’t need to stray far from Vegas this time. We bought tickets for a concert featuring Kristin Chenoweth. She is a very talented singer and actress best known from Broadway shows, movies, and multiple guest appearances on GLEE. The concert was on New Year’s Eve at the newly built Smith Center. Although she is about three feet tall, Kristin has a powerhouse voice. She sang songs from her career and, of course, sang one of my favorites “For Good” from WICKED. It was a great way to
7 comments
Read more

Mental Health - Destroy the Stigma

I believe that I am a fearless writer. I share my personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs. I’ve not been afraid to express my emotions. Self-expression is fundamental to writing. I am a man of my words Recently, I became concerned that my blogs about depression and mental health might shape my reader’s opinions of me in a negative way.   The more I thought about it, I realized that I had internalized the stigma that surrounds mental health. Stigma is defined as “a mark of disgrace or infamy.” The word bears a negative connotation and it devalues the person to whom the stigma is applied. While the conversation about mental health is receiving a larger forum, damaging misconceptions are widespread. According to surveys, there are between 42.5-46 million adults in the US that have some type of mental illness.   Statistics show that one in four adults experience mental illness in a given year. These numbers of individuals are all impacted in some manner by the sti
12 comments
Read more

Summer Adventures Part 2 – The Backyard Backlot to Broadway

  My childhood summers weren’t all the glitz and glamor of vacationing with cousins, wobbly shopping carts and bloody feet. Actually, most of my summer days were spent right at home in my yard. My parents never took a vacation. Our family never packed its bags and took off for other ports of call.   I never boarded a plane, a boat, or a train for a family adventure. My adventures were self-created. They were products of an imaginative mind that could travel to the moon, ride the rapids in the Amazon Jungle and lead a battle for the Knights of the Round Table, all before a lunch of Spaghettios with a side of Hawaiian Punch . I have always loved going to the movies. This helped provide the inspiration to my over active mind. The Saturday afternoon matinee was a childhood staple for me. The smell of fresh popcorn as you entered the lobby and the crisp cold air of the air-conditioned theater helped set the atmosphere on those hot, summer afternoons. I would get lost in the dark with
2 comments
Read more

Depression, Drugs & DNA

When diagnosed with Clinical Depression, my doctor recommended medication to help the illness. The art of medication management can challenge professionals who need to find the right drug and dosage that will be effective for treatment. It’s frustrating for patients combating the effects of depression when their medication doesn’t quite alleviate the symptoms. Part of this cocktail of drugs can also cause intolerable side effects ·       Sleepiness ·       Insomnia ·       Dizziness ·       Weight Gain ·       Headaches ·       Increased Anxiety ·       Sexual Problems ·       Nausea The feeling of hopelessness and frustration is just compounded when you’re waiting for relief that never really arrives. There are so many drugs available for the treatment of depression. It can be daunting to find the right one for you. I feel that I have taken the PDR of depression medications. There’s always been the chase for the one that would tu
3 comments
Read more

Communication - The Art of Words

I read a posting, a few weeks ago, that the song “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode was celebrating its 25 th anniversary. The song, released in 1990, speaks of how you can be beyond words. It relays the message that there are times when words can’t describe feelings or emotions and seem inconsequential. I do understand when people say that something is “indescribable.” We all have moments when we just want silence and time to appreciate the world beyond words.   A feeling or an emotion can be hard to verbalize at times, but are we ever beyond words? We have to realize that if we want a space of non-communication we have to communicate that. We can’t “Enjoy the Silence” unless we can tell everyone we want silence.   For people to know we are at a loss for words, we have to tell them that. Everything we say and do lies in communication. We could not function as a community or a society without it. We don’t stop to contemplate that our whole world is created fro
8 comments
Read more