From Poppin' Fresh to Poppin' Pills

I ran into my friend Rose, the other day, and asked how she’d been. She said she was stressed because her mom was ill. I politely inquired about her condition like I was CNN’s Sanjay Gupta.

She’d been diagnosed with moleopothy— a sudden eruption of hairy moles on her face. After my initial gasp of horror and an urge to make a werewolf reference, I asked if the doctor prescribed Molezympica. She said “yes” and immediately I went into my fair balance spiel.

I told her to monitor for side effects and discontinue use if her mom has sudden onset unibrow, drooping nipples, howling at the full moon, undressing by fire hydrants, a desire to eat meals in the basement or if one of her moles starts talking.

I inquired if her mom had any pets? The most adverse reaction is extreme and deadly flatulence fatal to pets under 30 pounds. Rose looked concerned and said Mr. Sniffles, a chihuahua, had been staggering around the house.

“How do you know all this drug information?” she asked.

“TV commercials,” I answered.

Big Pharma has taken over the air waves. I watch a fair amount of cable news programs and see all the latest, greatest drugs. Also, watching shows On Demand forces you to view ads, taking away the power to fast-forward. I hold the remote feeling like a eunuch at a strip club. So, I’m happy for my DVR and streaming channels because I’m unshackled by commercials. I can take a break from TV’s drug addiction.

Growing up, TV ads were about food and household products— not pills. They were filled with jaunty jingles and brand personalities that made products desirable. I wasn’t concerned if Mr. Whipple was busy squeezing the Charmin because he had uncontrolled muscle movement or if Mrs. Olsen was trying to sell Folgers Coffee to meet her copay for alopecia medication. I wanted to buy the world a Coke, not give it type 2 diabetes.

Now, consumers are urged to talk to their doctors about drugs that could be effective for a disease they might have. Bring your wish list for Dr. Santa to fill. Health insurance plans make it easier for a physician to write a prescription than to schedule tests. Take two tablets a day because an MRI requires a preauthorization, your fingerprints, a papal blessing, a secret handshake and your firstborn.

Recent pop songs are repurposed into jingles for ads. Nothing is original. Why is the woman with osteoporosis dancing through the park to “I’m Walking on Sunshine”? What’s playing when the EMT’s are picking her up off the jogging path— “Oops!...I Did It Again”?

I was happy knowing “My Bologna Has a First Name” or that “I Am Stuck on Band-Aids.”

Tell Salt-N-Pepa I don’t need to “Push It” with GEICO or stop the creepy DuckDuckGo guy singing the internet is watching with “Every Breath You Take.” What happened to Sting? Is he waiting in the wings to sing “King of Pain” for a Vicodin ad?

TV product mascots were better when I was growing up. The Pillsbury Dough Boy made me want to buy crescent rolls and I’m still waiting for the Kool-Aid Man to bust through my wall forcing me to drink a pitcher of his sugary contents. A lizard with the cockney accent isn’t selling me insurance, but it’ll force me to call the Orkin man.

In the ‘90s, I learned silly words like Farfegnugen from Volkswagen commercials. Now, I’ve heard of Sulfonylurea, Corticosteriods, Serotonin and NSAIDs— just to list a few. Every time I turn on the TV, I’m enrolled in an online pharmacology course.

Madison Avenue has taken us from farm to pharmaceutical. Billions of dollars are spent on drug ads every year. Since the pendulum has swung, I’m glad that they’re not combining produce and pills in commercials together. I certainly don’t need to know that The Jolly Green Giant has erectile disfunction (ED). That would be a big blue pill.

Do I really want to hear about ED before I watch Raise the Titanic? And, what’s the deal with the Cialis ad? I think sitting in separate bath tubs and holding hands is not the cure. I guess there’s something about the plumbing I don’t get or porcelain speeds the process.

Pharmaceuticals rule the airwaves and lobbyists control D.C. politicians. I’d love to see some legislation about curtailing drug ads like they removed cigarette commercials. When they run through all the side-effects of medications, it sounds worse than taking a drag on a Marlboro. It’s all out of control and gives me anxiety. So, until I can turn on the TV and see Snap, Crackle and Pop instead of ADHD, COPD and IBS, I’m asking my doctor for LSD.

Comments

Waking Up in Vegas - Happy 2014!

Neither, Gary or I, are really gamblers, so we try to find other activities to occupy our time when visiting Vegas. We have visited Red Rock, Hoover Dam and Valley of Fire State Park on previous visits. We had even traveled as far as Zion National Park in Utah, during an earlier stay. There are definitely natural beauties to discover while in Nevada, and they have nothing to do with showgirls or stripper poles. This visit was about relaxation and ringing in the New Year, so we didn’t need to stray far from Vegas this time. We bought tickets for a concert featuring Kristin Chenoweth. She is a very talented singer and actress best known from Broadway shows, movies, and multiple guest appearances on GLEE. The concert was on New Year’s Eve at the newly built Smith Center. Although she is about three feet tall, Kristin has a powerhouse voice. She sang songs from her career and, of course, sang one of my favorites “For Good” from WICKED. It was a great way to

Mental Health - Destroy the Stigma

I believe that I am a fearless writer. I share my personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs. I’ve not been afraid to express my emotions. Self-expression is fundamental to writing. I am a man of my words Recently, I became concerned that my blogs about depression and mental health might shape my reader’s opinions of me in a negative way. The more I thought about it, I realized that I had internalized the stigma that surrounds mental health. Stigma is defined as “a mark of disgrace or infamy.” The word bears a negative connotation and it devalues the person to whom the stigma is applied. While the conversation about mental health is receiving a larger forum, damaging misconceptions are widespread. According to surveys, there are between 42.5-46 million adults in the US that have some type of mental illness. Statistics show that one in four adults experience mental illness in a given year. These numbers of individuals are all impacted in some manner by the sti

Summer Adventures Part 2 – The Backyard Backlot to Broadway

My childhood summers weren’t all the glitz and glamor of vacationing with cousins, wobbly shopping carts and bloody feet. Actually, most of my summer days were spent right at home in my yard. My parents never took a vacation. Our family never packed its bags and took off for other ports of call. I never boarded a plane, a boat, or a train for a family adventure. My adventures were self-created. They were products of an imaginative mind that could travel to the moon, ride the rapids in the Amazon Jungle and lead a battle for the Knights of the Round Table, all before a lunch of Spaghettios with a side of Hawaiian Punch . I have always loved going to the movies. This helped provide the inspiration to my over active mind. The Saturday afternoon matinee was a childhood staple for me. The smell of fresh popcorn as you entered the lobby and the crisp cold air of the air-conditioned theater helped set the atmosphere on those hot, summer afternoons. I would get lost in the dark with

Depression, Drugs & DNA

When diagnosed with Clinical Depression, my doctor recommended medication to help the illness. The art of medication management can challenge professionals who need to find the right drug and dosage that will be effective for treatment. It’s frustrating for patients combating the effects of depression when their medication doesn’t quite alleviate the symptoms. Part of this cocktail of drugs can also cause intolerable side effects · Sleepiness · Insomnia · Dizziness · Weight Gain · Headaches · Increased Anxiety · Sexual Problems · Nausea The feeling of hopelessness and frustration is just compounded when you’re waiting for relief that never really arrives. There are so many drugs available for the treatment of depression. It can be daunting to find the right one for you. I feel that I have taken the PDR of depression medications. There’s always been the chase for the one that would tu

Communication - The Art of Words

I read a posting, a few weeks ago, that the song “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode was celebrating its 25 th anniversary. The song, released in 1990, speaks of how you can be beyond words. It relays the message that there are times when words can’t describe feelings or emotions and seem inconsequential. I do understand when people say that something is “indescribable.” We all have moments when we just want silence and time to appreciate the world beyond words. A feeling or an emotion can be hard to verbalize at times, but are we ever beyond words? We have to realize that if we want a space of non-communication we have to communicate that. We can’t “Enjoy the Silence” unless we can tell everyone we want silence. For people to know we are at a loss for words, we have to tell them that. Everything we say and do lies in communication. We could not function as a community or a society without it. We don’t stop to contemplate that our whole world is created fro

Sparks Ignites

Search This Blog