We're Getting the DTs

Washington, DT - The Trumpification of America is in full force. An executive order just issued from the Oval Office will change the name of the US capital from Washington, D.C., to Washington, D.T.

“You’re going to see the beautiful, greatest new nation that’s unified with the name Trump on all the best landmarks and businesses. We’re talking all the majors, as in perhaps the place with the president’s faces on the rocks. Also, looking at the bridge in San Francisco. That city is a rat hole. The far-left liberals ruined that city with the help of Caramella Harris. They say it should be Comma-LA, but I say Caramella. Look at what happened to Alcatraz. They’re telling me you can only get there in a boat. It’s in the water. Horrible decision! Just ask Al Capone. But it’s coming back bigly when Trump takes over the bridge,” Donald rambled.

The White House Communications Office released a list of landmarks, attractions, and businesses that will change names after executive orders are issued.

The first order of business will be Mount Muskmore. Elon has begun designing a massive mountain made of the moon rocks using SpaceX technology.

“After spacecraft, stop getting shot down by the ultra-left. We’re sending up a genius group of contractors—I haven’t fired yet—and top sculptors to create a huge statue of Trump on the Moon. It will far surpass Rushmore. Donald will be seen from space. Even Melania will have to look at him,” Musk said.

Trump told reporters, “We’re going to have the best sculpture artists shot into space to create my magnificent likeness. Artists like Michelangelo and Donatello, who are also the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, will be there. When you have Elon’s money, you can do whatever you want. You can grab ‘em by the chisel. The world will see my big moon.”

Future plans to expand his Royal Trumpness include:

North of the Border Restaurants: A family-oriented casual dining experience with all the Tex and none of the Mex. The servers will wear ICE uniforms, and the kiddies get deputized so they can deport their nannies and gardeners.

The Hall of Trumps: Disney World’s revamped attraction will replace all former leaders with 47 versions of Trump. You’ll experience the Apprentice years, rambling campaign speeches, the witch hunt by Biden, and the assassination attempt where he’ll be saved by Mickey Mouse dressed as God. The show runs 4 hours with no intermission. Red-hat wearers get priority seating.

The Trump Orange Gate Bridge: A new, brighter orange paint will be applied to the bridge, and a golden sign will welcome all to the city that Trump saved from Kamala Harris’s policies. The new San Francisco mayor, Ted Nugent, will arm all citizens and send them on a shooting spree to eliminate shoplifters and the homeless while he confiscates all street drugs that will be stored in his office in City Hall. Nugent said, “While I’m mayor of a renewed San Francisco, there will be no talk of gay, transgender, or Rice-A-Roni.”

Trump Casino and People’s House: The White House will have a name change as slot machines are moved into the East Wing. With the absence of the First Lady, gambling will be the primary function of this portion of the president’s residence. Melania will make guest appearances since receiving her croupier license. She will be the host of “Be Best Bingo Night.”

The Statue of MAGA: Lady Liberty will don a red MAGA hat and stand on a copy of Project 2025 in the New York Harbor. A new pedestal plaque will be inscribed to read, "Give me your millionaires, billionaires. You’re oligarchs yearning to be tax-free." French President Macron has asked for the statue to be returned to France before she is defiled. Trump replied he didn’t return Melania to Slovenia before he defiled her.

Coming in 2026

Trumpie D's—Home of the Golden Showers: Purchase overpriced burgers, a Frosty Melania Mocha, a piping hot Putin Pie, or a Happy Ending Meal with a pee tape.

Trump’s Heel Spur Bar and Grill: Draft dodgers welcome

Orangestone National Park: Featuring Old Unfaithful.

Narcissist Falls: Come explore Cave of the Long Winded. Bring your binoculars and peer over to what may be the 51^st state.

White House Communications Assistant, Donna Duplicitous, advised right-wing reporters to be on the lookout for further changes to the landscape of the US.

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